Thursday, 1 April 2010

Sorry ...

I've not been around for a couple of days, I've been having some time with my gorgeous girl!

I think you all know if you've been reading my blog that I'm not in the best place at the moment, mentally - Its a dark place with a HUGE grey cloud that hovers around my head and some days its darker than normal. The tablets have kicked in and I don't cry as much, but I still miss my brother and the whole 'Me having Cancer' thing has got me screwed up! I see a counsellor on Tuesday - I hope she can help me see sense!

On Monday we went to
Smugglers Barn in Abbotsbury, West Dorset - Not far from where we live and had an hour there seeing the animals and playing on the tractors. I had a major cold, snot everywhere, and Poppy now has it too!

Poppy with the pink Cow which you could milk (well it had udders but only water came out - supposed to mimic milking a cow - yuk)

Uncle Chris with Poppy on a toy tractor

The photo's below were taken on Tuesday when we visited
Swanage to lay Poppy's Great Grandma Mimi's ashes in the cemetery she picked out in her will. It was a funny day - the rain lashed down when we were in the cemetery and as we left in the cars, the sun came out and clouds departed. Every time we were outside we had showers, when we were in, the sun came out and it looked lovely! We went to the beach where Mimi spent some of her young adult life as she grew up there. Was nice to spend the afternoon there, but my cold was horrendous. I couldn't stop sneezing and blowing my nose. Its all sore now too!
Today, as it was getting on in the day and I'd not had Poppy out for some fresh air I decided to take her to the beach. We went to Charmouth Beach - not far from where we live, about 15 mins in the car if that, and I let her go plodging in the water - the photo's below are of Poppy in the River Char, just before it meets the sea!

Just thought you'd like to see some photo's of her, enjoying some quality time with me and her family! Shame I was behind the camera - but then again - you don't need to see my ugly mug hehe!

Kimmi xx


Aunty Sue said...

Hi Kimmi please dont be harf on yourself you have gone through soo much in such a short time that it is only to be expected. I do hope the councilor can help if only to reassure things will get better. my soster left me 2 years ago and mum 25+ but i miss them daily and still have my dark days but it does get easier or we learn to cope better. Take care and lts of hugs. Sue xx

Rufus said...

I agree with Sue. Don't be to hard on yourself. You've had a lot to deal with in a very short period of time. While I can't pretend to understand all that you're going through, I do know that you are much stronger than you think. If for no other reason than for Poppy. She's adorable! You're doing the right thing, talking with someone about what's going on. Just keep on hanging in there. We'll all be out here thinking of you and sending hugs and strength.

Tertia said...

Seeing a councillor was the best gift I ever gave myself after going through an insanely rough spell in my life a few years ago! Sometimes you just need to get rid of everything that has accumalated in your head and you can not share that with friends and family, because they are fighting their own wars.
Hang in there, give yourself pemission to grieve the way that works for you, remember not everybody grieves the same way, so don't listen to well meaning people trying to tell you how grieving works or how you should grieve.
Dealing with all your health issues at the moment is hard enough on its own without all the other pressures too. Be kind to Kimmi, she will get through this in her own time and way.
Sending you great big hugs across the ocean flying on a lot of prayers.

Irena said...

Do not give up, go there to fight for what. You have a beautiful little daughter. Be strong and believe in goodness.
I wish you courage, faith, strength, to fight the illness.

Mummylade said...

that girl is the most adorable ever. And you just hang in there girl cause life is just like you experienced the other day, shower at times and then the sun breaks out.

Lorraine A said...

Kimmmie ,, you have been through such alot in a very short space of time ,, it is normal that you feel like this. You are grieving for you brother and at the same time going through your personal trauma too ,,,, don't be hard on yourself,, you will come through all this hunny ,,, just hang on in there xxx
I am sure the councellor will help you chase the dark clouds away xxxx

beautiful photo's ,,, Poppy is just soooo CUTE :-) XX

Lols x x x

Lols x x x

Kate's Makes said...

I also send lots of love Kimmi. Poppy is an absolute cutie and it's so nice to see pictures of your day out together :o)

Sending strenghtening hugs from here and i'll be thinking of you especially on Tuesday xx

Michelle said...

First of all, let me tell you that you have a beautiful daughter, as I am sure you know!
I hope that big cloud moves on and wish you health and happiness.

Tracey said...

Great to see you having quality time with your family & Poppy is so adorable.

Take care Kimmi